WHO TO FORGIVE (FIRST)?
We are prone to believing that for, to us, justified reasons, we carry for a long time, sometimes even years, some pain, that it is normal and logical that we keep the anger for ourselves and that the ones we have a grudge with do not deserve to be forgiven. But the true question is: Do I deserve to be free of that? Almost always it seems that that suffering costs us too much, and not only it’s not worth the price paid, it doesn’t give us what we need the most, and that is peace. No matter what you have been trough, what injustice was done to you, know that no pain is worth keeping.
It is crazy to justify our anger and fears we carry, especially because in most cases, it is not part of our reality anymore, the current reality we are in. Pain that we hold on to, and that happened in the past still lives only in our mind. It is up to us to decide for how long. When we accept the true that a past event already happened, and that we cannot change it, we can slowly give it up as an excuse for the current wrongs in our life.
I realized, in my life, that suffering is costly….
By believing in suffering we give up the freedom we need the most. Any rejection of forgiveness and the need to keep the pain is actually an attack on us. Is it not enough others hurt us? Is it necessary for us to hurt ourselves as well? The first step in overcoming the suffering is realizing that it isn’t and it never will be a solution. If you recognize yourself in some of this it is important to realize that the next important step is to forgive. Forgiveness releases you from the suffering from the past, and gives you back the freedom you deserve and that you desperately need if you want to do something with your life.
Maybe it will sound weird, but you will agree that one part of you still wants to keep the suffering, and the other wants to release it. You are in a tough situation in which you feel powerless, tired and restricted. On one side, you blame others for injustice they have committed and you condemn their behavior, and on the other side you are torturing yourself with such toxic thoughts. That is the way it will be until you change your perception of forgiving.
The decision which can change our life…
Pain is, just as I described in my book ‘Stronger than pain’ just a temptation and if we keep it with us for too long, it becomes something of an obstacle on our path to wellbeing, our peace and healing. Pain is a clear reminder that we are in a great inner conflict, and that feeling doesn’t have anything to do with people, situations and events of the past. When we realize that we are renewing the feeling over and over again, it will be easier to overcome it, whatever it is. But not by pretending nothing happened, or to forget and justified others behavior. On the contrary, we must accept that it happened, and we must decide that that person, event or situation will not have any further influence on our lives.
Forgiveness can change our life. Forgiveness overshadows all that is visible and goes to some new and bigger truth. Have in mind that nothing can really hurt you except your own thoughts. If you wish to free yourself from suffering, anger, cynicism, dissatisfaction, criticism, jealousy, wounded past and your unnecessary luggage you carry with yourself, than you need to forgive.
People often ask me ‘How to forgive’. By giving up on the idea that you can change anything in your past, and by stopping with rewinding of the same story whatever it is. In that way you will open the space for forgiveness. You need to clear your mind and teach it to work for you. Our thoughts are sometimes full of fear, self condemning, expectations, doubts and other destructive patterns. Nothing can get us in trouble as fast as our own thoughts. Also, nothing can bring us back to balance as our own thoughts.
If only it was different….
Why do we keep and incite the pain, and why do we attack our own personality and keep hurting ourselves over and over again? When a situation happens and we feel as a victim, we start an inner dialogue, a conflict that lasts far longer than what really happened. Remember those situations when you keep rewinding for days in your head and think what you should have said to that person. We are often unaware how long we do that that at one moment that way of thinking becomes the only option for us, and grows to be our only truth.
A friend for life…
Forgiveness plays a huge role in every healing and is a key to successful relationship, career, prosperity and a fulfilled life. Every one of us has a lot that needs to be gone and forgiven, even thought it maybe seams that you are special, and that you suffered the unforgivable, we all face that.
It is wonderful to be positive, but it is even better to accept your feelings and forgive. Life offers us an opportunity to pass through all kinds of experiences not to be angry and exasperated, but to mature, become stronger and go stronger and readier to the new levels of learning and progress. And that is why, free yourself from everything you don’t need, and choose to be gentle and mild to yourself while you are stepping trough life. Act towards yourself as towards a friend that you love a lot, and that you care about. Help him free himself from his past and remind him that he is capable of overcoming everything. Learn to be your own support just as you would be to the ones you care about the most. Then, you will be free! Then, you will start to live! Then you will start a journey of your own prosperity.